


Have you been talking to your grandfather?

by Northoftheroad



Series: Bat dialogues [7]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 18:02:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13506882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northoftheroad/pseuds/Northoftheroad
Summary: Damian takes a firm stance when it comes to the Bat Family’s environmental impact.Crossposted at ff.net





	Have you been talking to your grandfather?

_Disclaimer. I still own nothing, except a lot of comics._

 

* * *

 

”Father. Did you see this article in Gotham Gazette? A scientist has tried to calculate the carbon footprint of the Batman.”

”… I looked at the headline.”

”He claims that Batman poses a bigger threat to the Earth than most of your super criminals. I demand that you send the editor unequivocal proof that this moron is wrong and demand a retraction.”

”Hmh.”

”… He is wrong, is he not? It’s not true that the Batcomputer has a carbon footprint of almost 2000 Americans, is it? Surely you use clean, renewable energy sources to power it?”  

”…”

”Your old man is too busy with the mission here in Gotham to keep up with saving the planet long term, demon spawn.”

”…. Father…?”

”… To be honest, Damian, reducing the carbon footprint of the Batcomputer, as you boys are so fond of calling it, has never really been a priority for me.”

”Then we need to take steps to reduce the power consumption. It is embarrassing to be the object of this kind of article…”

”… Especially if the scientist has a point, right, kid?”

”… Silence, Todd! Father, we need to make certain that the Batcomputer goes into energy saving mode as often as possible, and turn it off whenever it is feasible. And we need to look at what kind of energy we use to power it.”

”… Damian, you do realise that the Batcomputer is very energy efficient - for a supercomputer. The cool air in the cave means that we don’t need air conditioning, as they do in most data centres, and the computer, in turn, helps to heat the cave. It’s a simple and effective type of energy exchange.”

”Very good, Father. I expect you to make that point in your letter to the Gotham Gazette, but it does not prevent the necessity of taking steps to ensure that we keep the energy consumption to a minimum. Besides, there is also the question of fuel consumption of the Batmobile and the Batwing. The scientist calculates that your use of the Batwing, for instance, releases the same amount of carbon as you would do flying from New York City to San Francisco 344 times, during one year.”

”… Have you been talking to your grandfather again, Damian…?”

”… Just because Grandfather is a megalomanic who resorts to terrorism doesn’t mean he is completely wrong about the ecological problems, Father. The Polar bear and the Green turtle are already under pressure from climate change, to name a few of the species in peril.” 

”And let's not forget about the sea level rise, Bruce. I understand that Blackgate Prison will be one of the first places in Gotham at risk of flooding if the sea level rises here. I didn’t enjoy the last time that happened when you sent me there to take control over the place, and I got stuck in a flooded cellar with dozens of criminals wanting my hide. I vote we try to avoid raising the sea levels to a dangerous level.”

”Hnh.”

”You know, demon spawn, cows are a part of the environmental problem too. Their digestive system is detrimental to the climate, somehow. So how about you climb down from your high horses and clean up after the Bat-Cow, first?”

” Tt. Only an idiot would propose that one cow could tip the scale, Todd. Bovines are entitled to live on this Earth, just like every other creature.” 

”Okay, fair enough – I do need them to keep me with leather jackets, after all. These things wear out faster than you’d think in our line of work.”

”And about clothes, Father. The article estimates that one single Batsuit pollutes as much as 37 regular suits. Have you done extensive research to find a less polluting textile alternative?”

”I’ve never heard you complain about kevlar when it saves your or your brothers’ lives, Damian. I’m not letting you out on the street in Dick’s old costume, with hardly any protection at all, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

”Come on, Bruce, at least it was easy to mend. You could do it with a needle and thread; you didn’t need a welding machine and an electric saw to get the work done.”

”Don’t be ridiculous, Grayson! The environment did not benefit from your running around unprotected. Besides, the textile industry is a notorious polluter.”

”Hey, the welding machine uses electricity, too, you know! Just saying. And besides, I like my uniform to be as light as possible. Kevlar outfits are a nuisance when you do a double somersault.”

”Tt. Cease with this irrelevant line of discussion, Richard. We need to find ways to reduce our energy consumption, not going back to obsolete technology.”

”Too bad we can’t all be solar powered, like Clark.”

”…”

” What? I don’t know why you’re glaring, Bruce! It would be great if the Batmobile and the Batcomputer and the Batwing and the Batboat and the Bat-shark repellent spray manufacturing, and all the other Bat-stuff, worked on pure solar energy. Why don’t we cover the Manor’s roof with solar panels? I bet we could power a small town that way; the roof is certainly big enough… Sunlight is clean and renewable; there’s no denying it. And you can’t deny that Clark is the world’s most efficient solar battery, either; as much as I know you’d like to.”

”…Hnh.”

 

* * *

 

_(Inspired by the article[The Carbon Footprint of Superheroes](http://milestraer.com/category/portfolio/carbon-footprint-of-superheroes/), by Miles Traer.)_


End file.
